14 June, 2015

Life is Pain... Pain is Art... Art is Revolution...

   I hunger to escape him.
I dream to linger in his arms
   and bathe in the aroma of his skin.
To run away and never remember
   my aching love...
The passion was a fantasy;
   the flame of naked lust.
I bleed adoration he rebuts,
   and clutch to the promise of life.

24 May, 2015

You Can Only See Silver Linings if Your Head's in the Clouds

Neffydd slumped against the brick wall of the alley way & let her body slide to a heap on the ground. Her soul was weeping, but her eyes could no longer wet. Her breath shuddered in & out of her chest, but she could no longer give voice to the agonized moans that lived there.

It was over... she was too much. Her life was too much for him to handle & he was gone.

"I'll still come around..." His voice faded in and out of her consciousness as he tried to justify himself to her. In the end, what did it matter why they were breaking up? Neffydd was too much and Jedi wasn't enough. When the conversation had gone as far as it was ever going to, Neffydd left. Just walked away.

She wandered for a bit before losing the will to move. There was nothing she wanted, nothing to think, nothing to feel... She wasn't even numb, anymore. There was nothing... and there she crumpled. Nothing.

She stared out of her skull with hollow eyes, but paid no attention to anything around her. Sensations were coming through the void at her. Cold. Wet. Pain.

Wet? Now soft pressure...? Fuzzy... What tha....?

She looked down at the tawny creature at her hand. She looked up at Neffydd with clear, brown eyes & licked the dangling hand again.

"Mew?" Neffydd blinked at the kitten, and frowned in concentration. The surprisingly solid skull thumped her hand again.

"Hello, Sweetie." Neffydd's voice was low and sweet. The kitten picked up a dainty paw and batted at Neffydd's fingers. "Now I'm talking to cats... I might as well be a 'crazy cat lady'! I'm ripe for it!"

The kitten cocked her triangular face, making an expression that reminded Neffydd of an eye-rolling. Neffydd frowned back.

"Are you headed anywhere, little one?" As if the kitten knew what Neffydd was asking; she shook her head once, then hopped into Neffydd's lap. "Oh? With me, huh?" The kitten kneaded Neffydd's leg. Neffydd shrugged, then rose to her feet and started the short trip home.

Once home, Neffydd brought out a couple small bowls, filling one with water, one with milk and one with the only cat-friendly thing in the house, ground beef. She watched as the cat she turned up her nose at the offerings. Neffydd shook her head and flopped down to sleep.

She sobbed into her pillow for a few minutes, before imagining she felt a warm body wrapped around her. There was warm breath on her neck and loving arms holding her as she wept. A kiss to the back of her head...

She woke with a start, in full sunlight. The kitten was curled up under the blankets, at the small of her back; but wormed her way over Neffydd's hip and into the hollow of her belly when Neffydd moved. Once in the warmth of Neffydd's embrace, the kitten yawned and settled back to sleep.

"What a weird dream..." She mumbled as she fell back to slumber.

28 November, 2014

Reliving A Nightmare

Reaching... Crying... Pushing... Pain...? Shit. No pain. I'm dreaming, again.

Neffydd opened her eyes and let out a deep breath. Jedi pulled her to him and nuzzled her hair. He was probably fast asleep, still. She didn't check. She just nestled down, into the crook of his shoulder and closed her eyes again.

Comfort swept her to a dreamless sleep.

12 November, 2014

The World Has Ended

The hit came from nowhere. Neffydd never expected Warder Sullens to act like this! Her confusion and anguish at being told to leave her home gave way to physical pain and panic at not being able to breathe... then his once-kind hands were on her neck and head, pressing her to the wall. Pain exploded through her skull and tears streamed down her face.

"I told you to leave..." His breath was hot in her ear; his tone made her stomach lurch. This was not her friend and lover... this was the demon.

"Stop!" She begged as he pressed her head, harder into the wall. "You're hurting me! The cops will arrest you, this time!"

"I will never leave a mark." His whisper was harsh and gloating. "No one will ever believe you."

The next day Neffydd went to collect her sons, after school, but Sullens' father was waiting for her.

"Don't come back." The huge demon snarled at her as he stood between her and the transport stop. "If I ever see you again, I'll snap your neck!"

He charged at her then, forcing her to retreat. She sat on the steps of a nearby house and sobbed as the school transport went by. She watched her minions trudge off the conveyance and toward their home, past their step-father's father. She wanted to call them to her, but feared that he would hurt them to teach her a lesson.

She looked up at him, just in time to see him make a warding sign against her. Pain lanced through her very soul at the sight of it. There was no way she could get to her spawn now... The tears came faster; blurring her sight and almost incapacitating her. She boarded the next bus toward the city center.


A couple days later she was curled in Shael's bed. Her heart numb and her body sore.

Neffydd rubbed her aching ribs, remembering the hatred in her beloved's voice and fresh tears began to spill down her cheeks. Her mind wound around a few thoughts as sobs wracked her body.

Why had he felt the need to hurt her like this?? All he ever had to do was ask and she would have given him anything he wanted! There was never any need for the violence and the lies.

She felt Shael curl around her back; stroking her arms and whispering things that Neffydd couldn't understand because her own thoughts were too loud and all-consuming. She slept fitfully in Shael's arms.


"There was nothing you could do, right then." Jedi cooed and rubbed the back of Neffydd's neck. "We'll get them back soon!"

More tears flowed from a supply that seemed to be never-ending. Neffydd was touched by her lover's conviction; but the loss of her children hurt like coals being pressed into her soul. He held her while she cried, then convinced her and Shael to get some food with him.


The next few weeks consisted of job searches, couch surfing and crushing set-backs. Any time it looked like she was getting ahead, something would go wrong.

One Tuesday, Neffydd walked into an interview for a promising job. The receptionist handed her a packet and Neffydd started to fill in the paperwork. After a few minutes a pleasant-faced young Pan walked in and asked for her by name.

"Hi...?" Neffydd said in a surprised tone.

"I have these for you." The Pan offered her a stapled stack of papers. At her quizzical look he continued. "You're being served." He handed the stack to her and left.

She sat there with the papers in her hands, stunned for a few moments. The receptionist called to her, breaking the spell and bringing her attention back to the present.

"FerchMaelgwyn?" Neffydd looked at the grim-faced Elf. "I'm sorry; can you hand those back? We won't be needing your application, after all."

Neffydd rose to her feet, gathered her purse and handed the application packet back to the receptionist. She was stunned numb again. She left the building and walked to Jedi's vehicle, slumped in and started to sob.

"What's wrong??" He demanded. She couldn't answer him, so she shoved the papers at him. "Oh... Are you kidding?!? He exclaimed.

"No..." She got the words out, around her heaving breath and tears. "They asked me to leave!"

He drove her home while, alternately trying to comfort her with his words and cursing everything about his erstwhile Metamour. Now that she had the paperwork, however, she could call about getting a lawyer for herself.


O/C -

I'm sorry about the cliff-hanger, my dear readers. I, actually, started writing this a couple weeks ago but I realized two things:

1: The story wasn't finished yet, so I couldn't write the post.
2: I was still so emotionally wrapped-up in it that I couldn't think about the events enough to reshape them into fantasy or even remain dry-eyed enough to type.

This has been a harrowing month, but I'm working my way through it with the help of some VERY dear friends and my family. It's not over, yet! Look for part two in a couple days! 

22 August, 2014

A Bit About Appliance Discrimination

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Hey there... can you share this to your friends? We need a little help, after the lightning strike.

Lightning Never Strikes Twice...
Our Lair was damaged by lightning...

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
And hello to you too

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
sorry... I'm really stressed out

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
No worries I completely understand

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
It's been a tough month

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!

I can only imagine, beautiful
I'll do what I can to help

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Thank you I hope enough people pitch-in $10 that we can at least get some of the repairs paid off.
or maybe fix our fridge
did you know... Freezers are not supposed to be over 100f?
Our fridge doesn't

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Dohhh I hate it when my fridge doesn't know stuff.
I try to take it to school
But alas it is still as dumb as a stump

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Plus, also... it can't walk, so everyone's always rude... "Why are you on the ramp?" "Why are you in the elevator?"
Have you ever heard of equal access??

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Fridge discrimination is a huge problem in our country
I overheard my fridge planning a walk on The Capitol
Show people that they are people too

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Appliance discrimination, in general

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn

Have you told your fridge that it can't walk, yet?
You might wanna break the news, before it gets to The Capitol.

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!

I don't want to focus on the negative
So I thought wheels

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Actually... fridges work WITH negative... temperatures

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
No way lol

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Yeah... but mine's breaking out of the mold

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Okay I will Break the news to mine

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
I think it's time to let it get on with its life

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Appliance power
Viva la resistance!!!

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
REMEMBER, remember...

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Oh, who's your favorite fae...?

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Elves but of course

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Elves are the bestest! ^_^

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Yes they are
Miguel the pimp elf
Awwwwwwww yeah!!

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Watch where you're pushin' that... You might fall down the handicap ramp...

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
My fridge will catch me
And she better have all my ice
Not half, but all my ice

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
No... she's mad at you for dumping the last batch on your head
She made you NO ice.

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Ohhhhh hell no
She knows better
If not it's the rack for her

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
See? Mine's so against wasting ice that he's being a dick about this shit

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Damn did I say that out loud

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
nope, you typed it

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Your fridge is being a dick

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn

But my stove still loves me

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!

You should kick it's ass to the curb and get yourself a fridge that can keep you in the Ice you are accustomed too
Your stove knows a good thing when it sees it
It knows it can't find any better love than Nevy love

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn

Well... that & I cook all the awesome things

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!

Exactly. Your stove is in heaven

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
The stove knows there's no better woman than you
Smart stove really
Smarter than that dickish fridge of yours

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
And... it cleans its self

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Seriously I never knew what you saw in that dick
Ohhhhh fuck
It cooks and cleans?
That's a keeper

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
He was here when I got the place... a squatter, I guess you couls say
So I said, "What the hell? He can do the job..."

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
He offered you some ice didn't he?
Told you to stick with him
He'll COOL the world for you baby
Fucking gigolos
Fridges are the worst too
Playing it all cool on the outside
On the inside being a hot mess

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
Not like a toilette, though... You think: "There's a cool fellow..." But really he's all sweaty & clammy & Takes shit from everyone.

Miguel Ãngel Evil !!!!
Exactly. Everyone shits on him and I hear it likes some kinky shit too.
I heard the toilet loves to be peed on
Such a submissive bastard
I can't even look at him without shaking my head

Neffydd ferchMaelgwyn
ALRIGHT! I'm tapping out... there's no way I can beat that. *Shakes fist*

06 August, 2014

Soul Song

There's a song my heart sings...
The rhythm is my heart beat, the bass beat is yours.
The melody is unimaginable in its beauty...
I sweat it out my pores.
I can't sing it for you, but I can act it out.
The only line I know is: 'I love you'...
But it's the one I shout.

07 July, 2014

A Ray of Sunlight

Neffydd lay there for a long time, trying to hold onto the dream as it faded away...

It was a simple dream, like a warm ray of sunlight on a cold day. She tried to stay in the patch of warmth; but only found herself inching away, trying to follow the waning light. The further she followed the faster it pulled away. She knew what it meant and started to pull back.

Soon, the light ray was weak and climbing up the wall as those things tend to go. It was following the same path that the others had, but this time it burned a rut into the old path like a laser sword. When it touched her face, tears sprang to her eyes and her body ached to feel the light over all her skin. After all, this little ray of wasn't her actual goal; It was a refraction of what she wanted, shining through the small space she had left for it. She would never be able to bask in the full and proper light, she would burn up in it. She didn't belong there and the light didn't really shine for her, if she stole too much someone would notice and take it from her before she could bear to part with it. So the ray of light cantilevered from the source, through the tiny space, until it was too weak to go on; then it faltered and failed.

When this searing light finally gave up, she was left in a dim twilight wishing for the light to warm her face again. This time though... She decided that when the light left her, she would cover the space she had left for it to enter. She would be in the dark, but at least she didn't have to watch another ray waltz across, following the burn mark. It wasn't exactly cold in the dark and she liked it just fine... but the sunlight was so beautiful.

It made her wish to wither under its full gaze... Just lay there, embracing sunlight until her body was dust that slipped away on the wind.